This picture is very telling my life.
My mom took it a few weeks ago when she was here. I am nursing Jay (sorry if that grosses you out), bartering with Corbyn about the price of that book I am holding and asking Ty if he thinks it's a fair deal.
I thought this picture was a good warm up to my all too honest post I spewed out below.
I shouldn't be overwhelmed.
I think of all the things I have to do as I lay in bed not wanting to get up in the morning- and I get a stomach ache.
Is that normal?
Hormones....likely {the gobs of hair in my drain would support this theory}
Life change. . . also a likely contender. I am mom of three now
Pressure to do things well. Not perfectly, just well.
Not pressure from anyone else, just from myself.
I sit here while Ty thinks about finishing his noodles for lunch. I look around and see Jay whom will wake at any moment needing sustenance. I see next to me my Sylvester the Snake book I am to write for Corbyn for his Christmas gift-I drew his name for Christmas, I hear my washer fininshing upstairs, I see a pearl necklace I am need to put in a care package and deliver to a sweet dear whom I visit teach, I see a kitchen floor I was supposed to sweep and mop today(that floor reminds me of every floor in my house I am suppose to take care of today), I see a bunch of junk I just bought at walmart that needs putting away. Peering through one of the bags is small piece of a gift I need to assemble for my sister in law having a baby any day now. I will carry that up to my sewing bench to start on it where I will find 8 beautiful 1/4 done ties I want to make for my boys for Christmas. Naturally I will finish sewing them in my free time.
Jay is stirring now. Ty wants fish crackers.
How on earth do mom's get time to accomplish anything? Oh, and I am supposed to create my final 3 month short term food storage plan, find a way to get to the temple this month, try to encourage the family to memorize article of faith #7, be happy living on a small budget, take a family a meal and a gift tonight-still need to put together the gift, find a way to show 4 people I visit teach that I love them, and get Christmas ready.
Do I sound a little discouraged?
I suppose i would rather hear the tick of the keyboard than turn the page of my planner over to my to do list. Completely illogical.
So lay it on me. What do you do, what are your magical tricks? How do you get things done, I need to know!
If you are about to click away and not comment- Shame on you. I need your comment and words of wisdom. I don't care if you are blog browsing and don't know me. I don't care if you are busy. And I don't care if you don't think you have anything important to say-say it anyways.
So there!
33 comments:
My advice...don't sweat the small stuff...clique..I know but so true. At this moment, I have dishes to do, floors to mop, lunch to put away, a bedroom to find, presents to wrap, a lesson to get ready, but instead I'm playing with my baby. So what if all that needs done. The only person that really cares is me.
One more thing...is there is seasons in every life...do the best you can and be happy. And thanks for this post...it really made me think because I get to feeling that way too!
Things might change for me when #3 comes, but here are my sanity savers: Monday is shopping and laundry day and Tuesday is sweep and mop the floor day. And that's it. I ONLY do laundry Mondays and I only go shopping on Mondays, so I plan every meal and every other item I need for the week. If I can keep the floor looking semi presentable for a week after I mop, I'll do it every other week. Oh, and it helps that every Friday is homemade pizza day. You can whip one out without remembering exciting ingredients from the store...which was Monday :)
I don't have the answers because my list is just as long with no end in sight, but I can tell you that this December I decided to constantly remind myself that what's happening around me is GOOD - not JUST stressful.
Cleaning aside, all the things that are making this month crazy are also the things that are making it wonderful, and as silly as seems to force yourself to enjoy it, if you don't - you may miss out on the wonder and joy of Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you and your family! It will be amazing...even if the floors are dirty! :-)
So I read your earlier posts about marbles and potty training, then as I took a shower this morning I thought about how inspiring you are and plotted ways to be more like you. So I feel a little inadequate giving advice--but here goes--since you asked for it. First I would say simplify (easier said than done). Second, one of my new goals that I have been working on of late but don't know if it will be relevant to you at all--do not do things out of guilt, fear, obligation or self-gratification. I'm trying to be purely motivated by love. Right now it's lighten my personal-guilt load and made me focus on doing what is really important. (oh and I fail daily on this goal, but I'm still trying!) Third, hang in there. New baby mode is survival mode and it will pass. So take a nap and eat some chocolate when you can. The world will go on spinning.
I'm a scheduler. SO, I make a cleaning schedule. I have days for each thing...here it is:
monday: grocery/errands day
Tues: laundry day
Wed: bathroom day
thurs: kitchen/living room
Fri: upstairs aka bedrooms
Sat: catch up cleaning/errands if i missed a day.
I usually clean up after whatever mess I make each day, too
I make sure to do my "assigned" cleaning before I play. That includes crafts.
The scheduling helped me. I hope you figure out!! I only have the one little one, so i'm sure it's easier...
(I should not be giving you advice, I can never get everything done that I want to do) Start small. Pick one thing you want to get done for the day and do it. Then you will have accomplished something and you can feel good about it! Oh, and clean floors are over rated!! Just snuggle that baby and be happy!!
My answer is this: it doesn't get better. How's that for encouraging? LOL! :)
Three children is a BIG adjustment! In my opinion, when you just have two children, you still seem to assume that you have some level of control over life. But once you get to three, you quickly realize that you are NOT IN CONTROL. (And that actually IS a GOOD thing. :)
When I first had my third baby, I felt like a was failing as a mom and a wife. There were a lot of sweet wonderful times, but I often felt like I was drowning in responsibility. :)
It wasn't until shortly before we got pregnant with Violet that I really started to realize something. The reason why it had been so hard, was because I was learning some lessons that were incredibly hard for me to learn. I'M NOT IN CONTROL. It was a time for me to learn a new kind of "BEST" and a new pace for life.
I'm not perfect now, and I often have days when I feel overwhelmed with responsibility, but I've learned that if the floor doesn't get swept and mopped for a week (or more!), it's still going to be there when I get the time and the gumption to tackle it. If the bathrooms don't get wiped down as often as I'd like them to, they're still going to get just as clean when I finally do get around to it. If the laundry doesn't get washed for three weeks, there will be a day (and I mean ALL day) when it will get done. If I've tried for days to just get my bedroom picked up and it still hasn't happened, just close the stupid door. :)
It doesn't have to be perfect -- not right now. Life will be different AGAIN someday. There will be different challenges and different time in my life. All of the important things on my "list" are going to get done, maybe not today, but it will get done. :)
What I'm saying is this, prioritize what is most important and learn to let the other things be - just for now.
OK, from the sounds of it everyone that has left a comment is living in a different world from the one I live in... in my world the floors get mopped every other month, the laundry piles up to the closet door before I get around to it (at which time I can only get it down to about knee height), the kids get fed but not read to nearly enough... you get the idea. Ethan told me earlier this week, "Not every gift has to be homemade." I get that, but I don't like it. I LIKE to make things special, but when it starts causing problems in other areas of my life I have to ask, is it really worth it?
Also, like Terra said, consider your motivation behind doing things. A lot of things I like to more for pride than anything else. Consider *why* you really want to accomplish something. Think about if it really matters in the grand scheme of things (and I firmly believe that that differs for each of us).
And finally, like so many have said, prioritize. I have a friend who recently blogged about how she is really only able to do really well at 2 (maybe 3) things/areas of her life. The rest tend to take a back burner AND THAT'S OK. So if gifts is really what matters to you, accept that your house may take a back burner for a couple weeks. It will still be there when you get to it. Maybe you want to focus on exercise (I know how you like your work out), accept that fitting exercise in will kick something else out.
NO ONE CAN DO IT ALL! No matter what we may think of one another, no one does it all. OK, enough from me. Sorry for the novel. I love ya and really hope you can get through this stressful time with a smile on your face!
You know, I was just thinkin' about you so I hopped over to your blog, and I seriously just felt like I was reading what I've been thinking for the last 6 1/2 months. Gavin is pulling my hair and sucking on my face while I'm writing this and Jemma and Carter are tearing apart the house...but whatever...that's my prob.
I really only have one piece of advice for you...and I kind of feel silly giving it to you, because I don't always heed it...(I just get wrapped up in "survival" sometimes and that's kinda sad...) here it is anyway though. Do something permanant every day. So, laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, etc. etc. etc. all gets undone. But things like writing in your journal, reading to your kids/making memories with your family (even if there small memories), sewing, studying the gospel, etc. those are things that last. I find that the days I do something PERMANANT, I am a much happier mom...otherwise, we just spend all day EVERYDAY doing things that almost IMMEDIATELY get undone.
Your amazing Heather! I mean that in all sincerity!!!
Prioritize. Decide what absolutely needs to get done that day and do that. I like to just give myself two or three things to do. That way, I most likely accomplish them and then feel good instead of starting the day with a huge list and ending the day feeling terrible.
As far as "free time" goes, I use nap time and after bed time wisely. If I don't have the energy, I veg in front of the tv for a minute. But if I'm feeling it, I get sewing or crafting or whatever.
And only YOU can know how much you can do. What is most important to you to get done might be so so different from someone else. So get in touch with yourself and start from there.
Love you!
So I can see from your comments that you have had plenty of advice. When you have time to read them please pass the advice to me. :) J/K I have learned to make lists that consist of 2-4 things a day. Showering & Excericse are always included. To feel like I got SOMETHING done that day makes life more bearable. The rest....can be done eventually. There is a time & season for everything.
Ummm... you are amazing actually. I feel just as overwhelmed, but I only have 1 kid (right now) and my sister is here to help. I don't know what I'll do when she leaves!!
Just be grateful that those "things" on your list are only just those "things." They'll get done eventually. And be glad that those little "things" are the only thing stressing you out. If that makes sense. Some people have way bigger "things" to worry about... but it is all relative to your own personal life.
Hang in there and if you ever need anything let me know. Ty is a doll and we'd love to have him over anytime so you can get some "things" done.
I feel like I used the word "thing" way too much in this post...
Have you ever read "Glimpses" by Marjorie Pay Hinckley? She is someone that I really admired and this is one of my favorite quotes from her:
"We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are."
That's advice that I've found helpful. We can't do it all, so we have to just focus on what's most important. Cuddle that little baby and everything else can wait! One of my favorite little poems says,
"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow, for babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow. So go away cobwebs, dust go to sleep- I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."
And lastly, you are the perfect mom for your kids and I recently read a touching blogpost about just that, here is the link:
http://loriconger.blogspot.com/2010/09/how-do-you-replace-mother.html
Hang in there lady! You're doing great.
Another great link- her whole blog is awesome, actually. I went to her class at a successful mothering convention and was almost in tears, as she inspired me so much!
http://loriconger.blogspot.com/2010/06/motherhood-and-energizer-bunny.html
Isn't it so refreshing to find out everyone deals with the same issues to some extent! That's my advice, know you are not alone!You guys are great, wish we could "pop" over in person still and say Merry Christmas! btw...i need your address!
Hey Heather,
I probably added to your overwhelmness trying to shop at walmart, being freezing cold and having to chat on the phone! Serious, next time don't be so nice and say "call me back!" Okay so on being overwhelmed, I'll be there soon and that scares me! I read through other peoples advice and I really liked Jenn Reeds, I liked that if nothing else in the day I did something "Permanent." Don't get me wrong I am really a neat freak and having my house dirty drives me crazy and makes me feel even more crazy as the day progresses, but I'm learning a little at a time, and failing a lot of the time at letting it go a little. So thanks for the post, don't have much in way of advice, but appreciated all the advice you summoned. I too loved Sis. Hinckley's book Glimpses and pick it up just when I need a pick me up, and another favorite is "I Am a Mother," by Jane Johnson and she talks about just what you were saying about mopping floors etc. Really good quick read. So nice to talk with you today. Take care!
Some days the only way I can get by is simply by adding up the years I have left before all my kids are in kindergarten... Then I go even farther and add up the years until all my kids are out of the house... The end is in sight, even if it is very distant. Other times, yes, things are better, and I feel like I enjoy what I'm doing.
I don't like feeling irritated with my kids so often, and feeling like they must be the most annoying children in the world, but sometimes I do. Prayers are what I try to do for that.
This Christmas season I feel like I have totally dropped the ball. Maybe it's the fact that I have a little baby, but I have done almost no Christmassy things with the kids yet. Yes, we decorated the Christmas tree, but I purposely left most of the Chrismas decor in the boxes because I didn't want to deal with it. We haven't been to see the lights. We haven't read any Christmas stories. We haven't done any Christmas crafts. We haven't made any Christmas goodies together as a family. Everyone has given some great comments! I have read each one of them, and I realized I have a list of things to get done before we leave this weekend, and no where on it does it say: Spend time with your children building memories"... or something like that. But it really is important. So thank you for your post which incited so many wonderful comments to help me to realize a bit more what is important. You truly are inspirational to all your friends Heather!
P.S. You were amazing with potty training, Beck isn't even interested or willing. I hate the job and am not starting until this kids says so!
Heather,
I read ALL your comments looking for some advice myself. What wonderful friends you have! I wish I had something life inspiring to say, but what I can add is, "I totally understand." Number 3 hit me like a train and now that he's going to be one this month, all I want is to go back to the days when he was just a newborn (minus the sleep deprivation). I wish there was a way to savor all the precious moments that flee way to fast and also maintain some sanity in our homes.
When I find that I just don't have the strength to go on, I usually fall to my knees, pull out my scriptures that are under my parenting "how to" books, and somehow He gives me the strength and peace I need to keep this life in the Eternal perspective. I'm pretty sure He is very pleased with the mother, wife, daughter, sister, visiting teacher, friend you already are.
I hope you find some peace soon.
Love,
Amber
well, I was about to click away until I read the fine print and thought I better at least try and offer some help. So, if I were you, I wouldn't sew. That makes me life easier for sure. (that's just because I don't know how and it's an easy thing for me to set aside!) I am just kidding. You should sew, but not sewing makes my life easier! I don't have a set cleaning schedule, but I do try and enlist my kids help as much as possible. (but mine are older, so that is a perk I have) And as far as shopping this year, not every year, but this year, I am doing a lot of clicking and shipping from my computer. I feel a little guilty because it's not very personal, but it's a gift and I am letting that count. Merry Christmas! I think you are doing amazing. I can tell that you are a pro at staying calm, and that is a gift to your kids in itself!
I will give you my 2 cents worth simply because you asked for it. And really, after reading all the other comments, I don't have much to add. I know that #3 has really been a challenge for me, and that it actually has gotten a little better as Carly has become mobile and entertains herself more.
However, my house is still much more messy than it has ever been. Sometimes Brent gets home and asks what I've done that day, when the house is a mess, and dinner is a quick non-gourmet kind of thing. I look around and think, "Jeeze, I don't know". Then I realize "Oh yeah, I have 3 children that have really truly taken up my day with trips to the library, teaching them things like reading and letters and numbers, and playing with them." It's just the way it is. One day they will be gone, and I will have time to keep a super clean house or make super amazing dinners, or maybe even feel like I have control again. Until then, they are my priority. NOTHING else matters as much. Oh yeah, and I also do the whole scheduling out each day of the week with one major chore each day, because really just one doesn't take too much of my day. And the dozen of daily chores that should be done... Well, like I said, someday I will have the time.
I think you are amazing. Do your best and our Father in Heaven will make up for the rest. :)
Prayer...lots of prayer. I don't remember "playing house" as a girl to ever have been this stressful. :) I think the best advice I could give you is to simply do your best. You can't do it all, and frankly you're not expected, too. You are an amazing person, Heather. One that I have looked up to for many years. You can do this.
Weeeeelllll, I don't have much to say except that at least your two-year-old is potty trained, so that's one less bum to change, and as for taking care of three, we are still working on that one. I have no idea how to do all the things on that list, maybe you should scale the list back a smidgen and call it good. That way you can get fewer things done really well, as opposed to a huge amount of things done okay. I think you are doing a great job and are quite ambitious. And I can empathize to a point. Right now I am mindlessly skimming blogs while my kids fight and the kitchen stands dirty and ready to be cleaned. But I am done. Ya know? Just hang in there. Cute hat too.
My sweet friend, you are wonderful -even if you may not feel like it at this moment. I am constantly wishing I were more like you :) As you can clearly see you have many, many people who care about you and are cheering for you to succeed. I am the opposite of most of these ladies and can not schedule something for each day. I tried it after having Sophi and it was more depressing than anything. If I didn't complete my task I fel worse about myself than before. I have quite putting it on paper and have a mental goal to clean my whole house within the week. I keep reminding my sweet husband that even though he does work many, many hours - so do I. I wish I could do it all on my own so we could just do fun things when he is home, but that doesn't happen, it that is okay. I have found that if he helps me for 1 hour we can clean nearly the entire house (if the baby is asleep). Tonight I have ignored my gross kitchen that is covered in crubms from a day full of cooking and took a hot bath followed by blog stalking! I don't have ants -yet- and my family still loves me. Tomorrow I am sure I will get to it. You serve so many people around you, you love and enjoy your kids - you are doing what is truly important.
Blah, blah, blah I am going on forever. But it is because I love you and want you to know that you are not alone. Which I know, doesn't make it easier. But know that you can call any of the people who have clearly identified that they know what you are going through and won't judge you for having a breakdown and not being *perfect*. I have to lean on others when I am so often weak. It is not easy, but it is how I get by.
um... I don't. No one does. If you think someones is miss perfect and always has it together and gets everything done- stop. its not true...no one is. once I read an article on a lady who was 103 and she only needed 3 hours of sleep and maybe she is a contender for someone who has time to do it all... but for the rest of us normals, well many project are left undone, floors left unmopped and well, just do what you can and do the rest tomorrow. or the next day. or the day after. love your kids, say your prayers and never forget to laugh at life and all its chaos.
hang in there dear *my vote is hormones*
Heather, I found your blog on Bonnie's.:) I don't really have advice because unfortunately I also often feel this way and it can be hard. I simply wanted to say that your children are so lucky to have such carrying, loving and beautiful mother.
Oh Heather. I'm with you. Well, I'm not as amazing as you are, but I'm definitely feeling overwhelmed with life right now.
I love the picture you posted here, and I love how your kiddos are all surrounding you, aware of your ability to nourish, provide, care for and love them. Your picture, to me, shows how amazing life is--how blessed we are to have these babies in our lives. Yes, it shows the craziness of the life of a mother--but it also shows so much love, and life.
Lately [the past YEAR], life has been quite overwhelming for me. I've slowly let go of more and more, and it is helping me so much. I'm enjoying the life that happens in the middle of the chaos of my life right now, and I'm grateful for that. You'll know what you need to do for you, but the common theme it seems, is to simplify. For me, it meant letting go of doing coupons, blogging much less frequently, and scheduling my cleaning days (similar to another post). You'll know what it means for you. And someday, life won't be so crazy and I'll be able to pick back up some of those things--but for now I'm breathing much more easily and I'm grateful for that.
You are wonderful, my friend.
Heather, I think your expectations of what you can or want to do are higher than I would give myself in your situation. Keeping your children fed and alive takes lots of work. Life won't always be in survival mode. That's my advice.
Hey Heather! I just happened on your blog post, which is rare these days because I don't spend much time reading blogs anymore. I know this post was a bit ago, so maybe you've got it all figured out by now... ;)
But here's my two cents...and I haven't read all the comments so maybe this has all been said...
But I know that I have felt the same as you SO much in the past 8 months since being called as Relief Society president. Recently during a monthly PPI with my bishop he asked how I was doing. I said that it is hard sometimes and he recognized my silent cry for help and gave me some great advice. For the sake of simplicity I'll just share one bit of it - he said, "do what NEEDS to be done".
When ideas/thoughts come into my mind of things I need or want to do I write them down - whatever it may be. Then I look at that often throughout the day and decide which things I NEED to do that day/week/etc. And so my floors haven't been mopped in ages, but we're still alive and healthy so it must be okay. ;)
The best advice I could give is to put the Lord first. Take that much needed time for prayer and serious scripture study, and then you will have the Spirit with you throughout the day to help you know what to do at any given moment. ;)
Merry Christmas!!
Lately with everything happening here with my Grandpa passing and everything I have just been saying to myself sometimes you just don't have control over some things and you just have to let it be and not dwell on it too much. So that is my advice and I have really been taking that to heart lately.
Hey, Heather! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I think we'd make swell blogging pals:) First off, does your hubby work at Navy Pier? Hahaha. Dumb joke.
I heart Chicago, well except for parking and traffic. I had some friends that lived there during Podiatry school and it was such a fun city!
For the advice part, here's my thoughts: People ask me "How do you do it all?" and my reply is "I don't". I just do my best. And my best is variable depending on sleep, hormones, the color of my kids boogers, whatever. :)Just do your best to survive and the light will come:)
Nicetomeetyou!
Elizabeth
PS Your blog is insanely cute. Did you design it yourself?
Post a Comment